Promises vs. Resolutions

As the month of January comes close to an end, I have been thinking about the various promises that I made to myself at the beginning of the year. I am reluctant to call them resolutions. The term resolution is derived from the word resolve, which, to me, would indicate that there is a problem, of which, a resolve is needed. This terminology gives off a certain vibe that we are somehow defective. On the other hand, promises are something that you make to a friend; and of all of your friends, aren’t you your best friend? So, for myself, I make promises.

Now, there are all of the obvious resolutions that people make. “I will lose weight”, “I will go to the gym more”, “I will attend church more”. But if you look at these carefully, they are so terribly vague that one might just find a way to accomplish nothing at all and still feel that they have achieved a great feat! If you only lose 1 pound throughout the year, then you have achieved weight loss. Similarly, someone who does not go to the gym could go one day out of the year and his or her goal is met! The same holds true for church. However, if you closely examine your resolutions, you can turn them into promises that will help you achieve a long-term goal on a short-term basis.

For example, I want to be more informed of worldly issues (long-term goal). As a graduate student in the Journalism department at the University of Memphis, I often find myself in conversation with journalists. Although I am focusing on public relations in my degree program, my colleagues are constantly scanning the mass media and critiquing articles, newscasts, talk radio and the like. Even if scanning for style rather than content, they seem to pick up on various items of importance that I do not get from my Communist…er...Commercial Appeal readings or the Fox News analysts. And furthermore, the time I have available to sit and read newspapers or watch television has dwindled down to about 2 hours a week.

So, my promise to myself is to find a quick, efficient way to filter through the plethora of information out there and follow at least one world event per week(short-term goal). I have updated by email subscriptions to include some feeds from Europe, the Middle East, and the coverage these events receive in the states. I am also opening my ears to conversations at the gym and school (the only two places I seem to go outside of the house these days) and listening for topics that I can research online.

In line with this, I promised myself that I would learn at least one new word a day. Now, they have calendars with “The Word of the Day”, and you can even get this emailed to you, so that you can learn various words in the morning while checking your email. But lets take this one step further. In addition to these emails, I also have a notebook that I carry with me and jot down words that I read or hear that I do not know.

As with the vagueness of “losing weight”, the term “learn” needs to be defined. How do you know if you have truly leaned something? Well, I am still working on a solid definition for this, but in this particular case, I am considering the word to be “learned” if I can accurately use it in a sentence during the week. These words are written on sticky notes with the definition and posted in various places—near my desk, on the bathroom mirror, inside my wallet and even inside my workout journal that I carry to the gym.

The thought process is that by constantly exposing myself to these words, I will eventually “learn” them well enough for them to be considered part of my vocabulary. At this point they are no longer words that require learning. (Effectiveness of this project is yet to be determined…but I’ll keep you informed)

There are numerous other promises that I have made to myself. These promises are mental, as I have pointed out above, and others are more in line with the physical and spiritual well-being of myself, my family and my relationships. Nonetheless, these promises are there to help me make it through the year and KNOW that I have accomplished the things that I want to achieve.

I urge my friends and family to examine your “resolutions” and make your promises for 2009 count!

By the way, the word of the day is:

obfuscate (tr. v.): to make so confused or opaque as to be difficult to perceive or understand; obfuscation (n), obfuscatory (adj.)

So you want to be GI Joe?

Over the past few months, I have been charged the task (self-inflicted as it was) of learning to parent two children. Now, I've been a mom to Zachary for 11 years, 3 months and 16 days. Micah, on the other hand, moved in 8 months and 15 days ago. Over the past 8 months, we have worked on the adjustment of two "only-children" coping with the fact that a world exists beyond just themselves.

During this time we have experienced camaraderie, sibling rivalry, love and affection, snitching, fighting, sharing, NOT sharing and a multitude of other childhood phenomena. Joey and I have noticed how different our children are from each other, yet there are so many similarities.

While Zack enjoys art and drawing, Micah would rather play video games. They both love their skateboards and enjoy running through the neighborhood on them to "impress the ladies". Micah knows more about various types of guns (of which I'm not too sure that I approve), and Zack can name the song title and artist of most of the hair bands of the 80's and 90's (thanks to Brandon!).

However, over the weekend, we experienced a commonality shared between to two and not one that I am very proud of. They were both caught (on separate occasions) with something that did not belong to them in their pockets. For Micah, it was a lighter and a pocket knife, and Zack had thieved some bullets from his granddaddy's drawer.

Now, many people may be thinking, "Dear Lord! Why would children have those dangerous things in their pockets? And what kind of parents would stand for that?!". Well, to answer your questions: Boys are boys and not these parents!

The items were confiscated, and I now had a hard decision to make. What punishment fits this "crime"? And which do we focus on first? The danger of the confiscated items or the fact that they stole something? Let me say this, the drive back to Memphis from Pickwick was a long one for me. I went over all of the possible scenarios in my head. "What would have happened if Micah had set the woods by the house on fire?" " What if Zack "accidentally" took those bullets to school and was arrested?" "What if Micah had used that little pocket knife and hurt somebody?"

Arriving home, I had still not come up with a fitting punishment. It was then that I realized that a two-fold problem needs a two-fold solution. While the boys were busy unpacking their clothes and cleaning their rooms, I typed up a chore list (for those who know me well, you can only imagine how detailed it was!!). For each child, there are Am chores and PM chores. You may be thinking, "Oh every family has one of those!", well, this chore list beats out any chore list that these two kids have ever seen.

After putting that together, I called the boys downstairs. As they sat on the couch, I very calmly explained to them that, with the exception of a few very minor things, they were VERY well-behaved throughout the weekend. We then moved into the discussion of the contraband found in their pockets. It was the typical parent lecture. Stealing is wrong. The items are dangerous. You could have gotten hurt. Blah Blah Blah.

But wait!!! There's more. The boys were then instructed of their new chore list. In addition to the AM/PM chores, they are to report to the living room by 8 AM every morning for their morning exercises, including but not limited to push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks and running in place. They are not to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, or engage in various other things without asking a parent for permission. They were also instructed of the proper way to ask permission ("May I please...).

The boys then went upstairs to finish their bedrooms. They dusted and vacuumed both rooms, vacuumed the stairs and hallway upstairs, cleaned the upstairs bathroom, the downstairs bathroom, washed/dried/put away their dirty clothes, and washed/dried/refilled the litter boxes. After chores, they ate dinner (all of it!), finished their homework and proceeded to get ready for bed.

"Oh, that is just too much," you might say. However, I don't think so. You wanna play GI Joe and carry bullets and knives and lighters? I'll let you be GI Joe! But GI Joe does his chores, eats his veggies, completes his homework, does his exercises and shows respect to people of a higher rank.

Status report: Day 1

The boys woke up this morning, completed all of their assigned duties and reported for exercises 7 minutes ahead of schedule. After exercises, they sat quietly and read until it was time to catch the bus for school. I got a hug, kiss and "I love you" from both of them. Good to know that they do not hate me!